Yesterday, I was making my latest blog about my bf.. .And I let him read it. And so, he said that he loved it and I was happy because that blog was dedicated to him. But until now I am still writing.
And until, we reached the topic regarding that blog, that I asked "why did you let yourself hold my hands?" and so-.. . And he said he had no idea and I laughed.
Then, he mentioned that, that time he had a crush (but it wasn't me). And I said to myself, "oh.. .darn, he had someone in his heart..". But he said that he didn't have a chance with her.
So, I really felt bad about that, and at the same time, I had my first move instead of him. It's kinda wrong that a girl makes the first move right? How do you feel about that?
How do I FEEL about THAT?
Well, I felt horrible.. And awful. It was kinda- dumb for me. I felt stupid for that night. And I realize that, I just took over and stepped something which it wasn't my territory or something.
I know maybe I'm just over reacting but- as a woman you know.. I hope you understand.. It's like- it would be so wrong if the girl moves the chair so that the guy would sit, so WRONG right? That's just how I feel.
I should have asked him if he likes someone else already.. . I'm disappointed at myself right now. It was a disrespect. I'm such a looser man!.. I felt horrible. I feel stupid!! so stupid.. uuhhg!!
I woke up, still my feelings are heavy. I felt the same way as yesterday. Maybe my hormones.
Oh yeah, I hate facebook sometimes. I able to see and read which I don't suppose to. I felt mad, sad and jealous. I read non sense comments on the upper right which it makes me mad and disturbed.
Stupid hormones, but I don't have any reasons to be like that.
It's just, I think not everything I want, I get. Even though you want it so bad and until, you began to hate it because of the pain you are feeling about it.
Until that something gave to you, which is like too late for that, you don't want it because of pain.
But you want it, honestly, but you just push it away because you didn't had it in the first place, and that just pisses me off.
OR!! When the time that something came and give it to you, it's the time when it doesn't suits you anymore, like I was being disabled or error - or something.
And I know how painful it is when you want it, which you are unable to use it because of disability, even though people are pushing me to do it which is already too late and I began to hate it. I don't like it anymore. I want to erase it. *sighs*
So, I really felt bad about that, and at the same time, I had my first move instead of him. It's kinda wrong that a girl makes the first move right? How do you feel about that?
